Directed By Simon West

Starring – Rebel Wilson, Anna Camp, Anna Chlumsky

The Plot – When a mercenary group takes a lavish wedding hostage, they have no idea what they are in for as the Maid of Honor (Wilson) is actually a secret agent ready to rain hell-fire upon anyone who would ruin her best friend’s wedding.

Rated R for sexual references and some violence.

‘Bride Hard’ official trailer

POSITIVES

While the pleasantries are limited within this action comedy, there is a surprisingly extensive variety of star power in the depths of the movie’s decorated ensemble that add a lot of personality to such paper thin characterization, with two such veterans making the most of their respective supporting roles, despite material that does them absolutely zero favors. Oscar winner Da’Vine Joy Randolph and Stephen Dorff take their opportunities seriously, or at least as serious as the care free tone affords them, and while Dorff accentuates charming bravado within such a one-dimensional antagonist outline, Randolph exudes charismatic sassiness in ways that the script casually drifts back towards, in order to allow her to play off of the various bombshells that flood this wedding, proving such a remarkable commitment to roles that are so obviously beneath the both of them. Beyond a star-studded affair, the film attempts to capitalize on the real life friendship of Wilson and Camp, since their days on the “Pitch Perfect” franchise, with their impeccably genuine chemistry serving as one of the only elements of the film that felt authentically natural in its portrayal. Admittedly, this dynamic does begin a little rocky during their opening interactions, with an obvious kink in the connection of their friendship that strains their respective efforts, however as the movie transpires into its action-oriented second half, it opens up the radiant energy and repour of their affectionate banter, allowing the film to tap into some semblance of heart within its various dynamics that I wish the rest of the script took time and effort to flesh out to a story that is otherwise undercut by such try-hard comedy.

NEGATIVES

If you watched “Bridesmaids” and thought the material needed more raunchily juvenile humor and lifelessly limber action sequences, firstly you’re an idiot, but secondly you would be in luck with “Bride Hard”, a movie that fails equally at two respective directions, despite an advantageous R-rating that allows West unlimited accessibility to make his film appealing. Being that West is the same man who made “Con Air”, an occasionally corny but highly entertaining 90’s action caper, it seems effortless that he could make a vehicle like this work, but too often his execution is bogged down by such painfully unfunny gags and a singular tone that makes the movie feel like a spoof of itself, making it difficult to not only invest in the characters, but also their overarching conflict, which West imbeds without a semblance of urgency or tension to convey the overwhelming odds that are facing Wilson’s character. When I say that every delivery bombs hard with the comedic material, I mean the kind that you can hear crickets chirping in a 40% full theater auditorium, and with equally bad heavily intentioned dialogue and interactions that work overtime to spell out a plot conflict that gets convoluted quickly, it makes it difficult to interested or even focused to what the movie is continuously throwing at you, a situation made worse by storytelling pacing that makes even a 100-minute run time feel like it transpires without anything that feels even accidentally pertaining to fluidity or momentum. The journey of the storytelling is plagued by the kind of predictability that you could sniff out, even after the movie’s opening five minutes, and the characters are nothing more than types, meant to articulate what they do, instead of who they are, without a shred of humanity or relatability to their portrayals that makes this group such an arduous chore to spend nearly two hours alongside. As for the action sequences and the movie’s desire to make Rebel Wilson an action star, it never even remotely comes to fruition, both with heavily telegraphed fight choreography featuring choppily slow motions that abrasive editing techniques attempt to conceal, as well as bloodless brutality to blunt force trauma that appraises them with an inescapable element of cartoonish captivity. None of these sequences are conjured with even an underlining essence of tension or urgency to Wilson’s plight, often depicting her, and her bridesmaids for that matter, as this unstoppable machine that supernaturally adapts to every newfound adversity, making it difficult to take a movie at face value that can’t even take itself or its structural set-ups seriously. Aside from weak direction and one of the year’s least digestible screenplays, the production design and overall values breed this overwhelming element of artificiality that is present in Hallmark movies that feel manufactured on an assembly line. The reasons for this feeling certainly stem from the uninspiring lifelessness absorbed by the movie’s shot compositions, with nothing in the way of style or ambition to at least present intrigue to these bouts of physicality, but also the consistency in lighting to the presentation, which at least during the movie’s opening act made some of the imagery feel A.I-generated, which plays all the more distracting when watching this on a big screen that it had no right being presented on. These compromising visuals are made worse by the third act climax featuring some of the most laughably bad greenscreen backdrops that I’ve maybe ever seen in a feature-length project, with this chase sequence on the yard of this wedding’s location that is seemingly never-ending, in terms of acres. It’s obvious that a budget and studio backing won’t allow for anything close to realism within the portrayal of this set piece, but every time we see Wilson or Camp seeking out their deadly captors, you can’t see anything other than them executing their actions in the depths of a hollow studio, and it’s ultimately at this point where I realized that I was laughing at the movie, instead of with it, a fact that offered justification among its incapability, as a film destined to be labeled positively by people who cherish it for refusing to take itself too seriously. Finally, the film can’t even succeed as a vehicle for Rebel Wilson’s talents, as her phoned-in energy and continued on-screen awkwardness proves she’s still trying to get by with her spontaneously lewd deliveries, with no inkling of effective timing or charm to win over those of us who already know that she’s only as great as the material given to her. That’s not another stab at screenwriters Cece Pleasants and Shaina Steinberg, but rather the adaptability of Wilson, whose talents feel more limited than ever here, and while there’s a lack of believability with her depiction as a resilient action star, it’s clearly Wilson’s lack of confidence with the material that takes the biggest beating, where she’s still not asked to inspire any kind of legitimate acting, in order to evade typecasting and show off the tremendous range that could materialize her next step away from the raunchy comedies that have littered her career.

OVERALL
“Bride Hard” is an unoriginal and unfunny bridal romp that feels void of any semblance of charming momentum to want to spend nearly two hours alongside these caricatures posing as characters, particularly Rebel Wilson, who is just as raunchily witless as ever, but this time with the Grand Canyon of a stretch of being a protective ass-kicker. Unlike social gatherings at a wedding that are made better by alcoholic exchanges, the time spent at these ceremonies only elicit reminders of the better ways that your time, money and investment could and should be spent, with this being one invitation that should be returned to the sender with a death threat for their noble consideration.

My Grade: 2.7 or F