Directed By S.J Clarkson

Starring – Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced

The Plot – Tells the standalone origin story of one of Marvel publishing’s most enigmatic heroines. The suspense-driven thriller stars Johnson as Cassandra Webb, a paramedic in Manhattan who develops the power to see the future, and realizes she can use that insight to change it. Forced to confront revelations about her past, she forges a relationship with three young women (Sweeney, Merced, Celeste O’Connor) bound for powerful destinies…if they can all survive a deadly present.

Rated PG-13 for violence/action and adult language.

MADAME WEB – Official Trailer (HD) (youtube.com)

POSITIVES

On the surface level, “Madame Web” and its plot had a lot of potential towards conjuring something uniquely vital for a superhero genre overrun by monotony, especially in a leading protagonist whose greatest strength resonates in her mind, instead of her muscle. Picture “Final Destination” in the superhero world, and you have the kind of original and psychologically stimulating framing device that a new franchise needs in coming into the game as late as 2024, especially one that fills the gap of underutilized returns for female heroines that sadly still remains an unfortunate aspect of the overwhelming genre bias that keep films like these from even being manufactured in the first place. Beyond this, the very best aspect of this movie pertains to the evolving dynamic between Cassie and the other girls, which brandishes a nourishing element of heart to the otherwise darkly deceptive surroundings. In particular, one common thread of loneliness between them is introduced in the middle of the film that makes this sudden conflict feel meaningfully essential to the empty lives that they were otherwise living to that point, crafting a motherly hand for Cassie, but beyond that souls to teenage characters who would easily fall by the wayside of the shallow outlines of one-dimensional characterization that their respective characters were unfortunately given.

NEGATIVES

Sony continues to be the single biggest adversary to Disney’s brand of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, this time with a superfluiously superficial product that barely conjures any kind of legitimate entertainment value to its execution. For starters, this isn’t even a movie that is entertaining on a so-bad-it’s-good kind of enveloping, with long-term pocketed boredom and constant alienation factors towards the audience that leaves even the storytelling elements feeling undercooked and frequently disjointed. This is a film with little to no connective tissue to the Spider-Man universe or universes that we’ve come to bask in, instead dropping these meaningless character names and references that feel tacked-on, with the kind of lasting impact to the proceedings as that of a glorified cameo. It almost feels like a TV series (On a lot of aspects actually) that ties into the world of some major franchise, but isn’t given the rights or permission to solidify its link, here refusing to name a baby in the Parker family Peter, or refusing to even distinguish which of the many Spider-Men (Toby, Andrew or Tom) this film is a part of. This is of course major false advertising in the marketing department, as this was promised to be firmly established by Clarkson and Sony Studios, but it’s also par for the course considering this film manipulated audiences into thinking that they would get to experience four girls with superpowers for the duration of the 111-minute run time. Instead, we get a typical origin story for Cassie, who doesn’t attain the extent of her capabilities until the film’s final ten minutes, and three stand arounds in Sweeney, Merced and O’Connor’s respective characters, as the extent of their strengths pertain to a ten second imaginary sequence in the mind of our antagonist, which is where such footage from the trailer came from in the first place. These strange decisions often make it feel like marketing towards a second film that is bigger and bolder than this one, without firmly building on a foundation in first film needed to cement such long-term aspirations, leading to a dully tedious engagement that I never cared to invest in. It’s matched by such ridiculously meandering dialogue that you can’t help but laugh overtly towards, whether in the lack of flow of its rhythm, which often seems to make sentences drown on longer than they should, or the exposition-heavy emphasis of their appeal, which often feels like the characters are talking at the audience instead of each other. This wouldn’t be so bad or obvious if the lines didn’t attempt to cram as many bullet points as possible into discussions that don’t even remotely earn them, but we’re given a film that, far and away, never comes close to feeling authentic or genuine in the way it surmises circumstantial drama, with a framing device for capabilities that is executed as clumsily and convoluted as humanly possible. While the technical components of this aspect deserve a section of their own, which I will eventually discuss later, the frequency of usage in Cassie foiling the future robs the antagonist and his conflict of any kind of even accidental suspense or leverage, in turn undercutting his appeal as a force to be reckoned with, but beyond that resulting in an absence of action or intensity from the contextual world within the film, that instead is subjected to indulgences of the reset button that are often fake-out dream sequences in horror movies. Then there’s Clarkson, whose first-time feature length direction falls prey to her experience as a TV director, with a complete lack of scope that undermines the film’s scale. I feel bad for calling out a first timer, but it’s clear that Clarkson wasn’t ready for the magnitude that consistently overwhelms her, whether in the murky monotony of the presentation, or camera stylings and editing that never matched cohesively. For whatever reason, Clarkson uses a mockumentary style of captivity in the opening act, but then never returns to it throughout the rest of the film, and when matched with awfully jarring editing of these sudden jolt close-ups of characters and physicality, it leads to headache-inducing depictions that brought back my trauma for “Suicide Squad”, and how the movie constantly felt like one overlong montage that overstacked angles with no symmetry or vision towards one another. As for the performances, I can’t blame much on the decorated ensemble assembled here, as the floundering material and aimless direction has them constantly facing an uphill climb, but I can safely say that none of them brought the kind of energy or screen presence towards inscribing something essential towards their respective characters. This is especially the case for Johnson, who on her own has proven to be a capable dramatic actress, but here feels like she’s going through the motions during scenes that should feel world-ending to her character. Dakota brings along the dry wit that often shines in meticulous doses throughout other films, but here is called upon so consistently during the opening act that I found myself disliking her character before her biggest battles even started, with a caustic personality that gave debate to why her character was so lonely in the first place. This is matched remarkably by Tahar Rahim’s hilarious stint as Ezekiel Sims, the lead antagonist of the movie. Rahim on his own merits is about as intimidating as a basket of kittens, but when combined with audaciously jarring audio deposits in post-production that made this feel like a kung-fu film from the 60’s, offers him no chance of a lasting impact, and instead left me further perplexed by how little effort was established towards even the simplest elements of production. Finally, “Madame Web” takes place in 2003, so as a distinct period piece the film balances vintage products and soundtrack selections to whisk audiences away to a simpler time. The problem on the former is that the product placement displayed here is so obvious and unapologetic that it isn’t worked into ways that are subtle or even remotely clever, with a climactic final battle atop a Pepsi-Cola neon sign as invasive as the editing, and the latter utilizing seven total songs throughout the movie, with five of such being from the 90’s or even the 80’s. Now, it’s quite possible that every character in this movie just listens to a classic radio station, but if you’re going to firmly establish that the film takes place in 2003, why would you play music from an entirely other decade? especially with a film geared towards teenage protagonists.

OVERALL
“Madame Web” is a ghastly disaster that further distances Sony from a cinematic spectrum with a license to print money. With remarkably jarring production values, lifeless performances and a distracting lack of connective tissue to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the film spins a superfluous web of humility that offer it no chance for a sequel that it markets so heavily towards, instead joining the ranks of “Fant4stic Four” or “Catwoman” as some of the worst superhero films ever put to screen.

My Grade: 2/10 or F-