A boring life takes a turn for the rebellious, when an unsatisfied man decides to rob a bank, in “Masterminds”. David Ghantt (Zach Galifanakis) discovers the true meaning of adventure far beyond his wildest dreams. He is an uncomplicated man stuck in a monotonous life. Day in and day out he drives an armored vehicle, transporting millions of other people’s money with no escape in sight. The only glimmer of excitement is his flirtatious work crush Kelly Campbell (Kristen Wiig) who soon lures him into the scheme of a lifetime. Along with a group of half-brained criminals led by Steve Chambers (Owen Wilson) and an absurdly faulted heist plan, David manages the impossible and makes off with $17 million in cash…only problem is he foolishly hands the money over to this wild group of double crossers and has been set up to take the fall. With the bandits blowing the millions on lavish and ridiculous luxuries, they leave behind a glaring trail of evidence. Now on the run and in over his head, David must dodge the authorities, evade a hilarious hit man, Mike McKinney (Jason Sudeikis), and try to turn the tables on the ones he trusted most. “Masterminds” is directed by Jared Hess, and is rated PG-13 for crude and sexual humor, some language and violence.
“Masterminds” is a movie that sat on the shelf for over a year, originally being intended for an August of 2015 release, and while movies get dismissed for an array of reasons, you can immediately understand what was wrong with this one. This is a real life story that is played off as nearly a satirical sense when it comes to robbery movies, and that contrasting tone in direction just doesn’t mix well together, leaving “Masterminds” one of the more dreadful movie-going experiences of 2016. This movie should’ve never seen the light of day. It diminishes the capabilities of a usually charming comedic cast, limiting them to these Southern stereotypes that offer nothing different from what we’ve seen done a hundred times before. Hess’s direction is virtually non-existent considering every scene is played off of endless improv that always feels like it’s trying too hard to goad the audience into cheap laughs. If you’re going to do a real life crime story with some comedy infused, you have to know when are the right times to insert your brand of humor. Far too many times does the childish stick outweigh the story it’s trying to tell, and that’s a major problem. It’s sad when you consider the best parts of this movie are in the trailer, and that was two-and-a-half minutes that didn’t make me laugh once.
The pacing is recklessly bad. Off-setting a 90 minute feature with moments of untimely braking for the many of Galifanakis’s visual gags. This movie grossed me out on more than one occasion, and while that certainly says something for being memorable, it doesn’t say it in a positive light. The movie is very slow and takes forever to get to where it’s going, slowing down the progression of what little the movie has going for it. I did mention before that this story is certainly an intriguing one, but unfortunately not a lot is true about its basis, with a script that goes off-road on logic on more than one occasion. Of the many things that don’t make sense, I think the logic in Owen Wilson calling the feds on Galifanakis makes the least amount of sense. At this point in the script, Zach has never seen Owen’s face, and can only visually describe Kristen Wiig’s, which he won’t because he loves her. Essentially, this gang of theives could get away scot-free, but because the movie has to go on for another hour, it plays against even a shred of logic.
Think about something that you would never expect this movie to have. If you guessed a terrible CGI scene, you are surprisingly correct, and I worry about your psyche. There’s a scene in the movie where Galifanakis brawls underwater with an eel, and someone should be fired for approving this finished product. The shading and coloring in design are almost cartoonish in its offering, and I have seen better animation in a Microsoft Paint application. It was at this point in the movie where I realized that the producers of this movie gave up a long time before I did, and there was no coming back from something so jarringly repulsive in visual design.
The biggest tragedy of all is in a cast that have made us laugh several times being used and abused for cheap comical costumes, as well as stupidity that you can usually only find in a Kevin James flick. I’m not someone who finds Galifanakis funny to begin with, so maybe that’s part of the problem. But man is he detestable in this movie. If you can get past the fact that this idiot can even remotely pull off a heist this big, then you have to contend with other grander idiots who he is outsmarting. His sketchy southern accent feels like he will soon be opening for the Wal-Mart blue collar comedy tour, and his dead pan delivery does nothing to understand his leading man status. Galifanakis isn’t the only problem however. Nobody feels even remotely interested except Sudeikis, who continues to add to his legacy as a credible actor. His character’s introduction offers the kind of darker tone that we have been longing for in the movie, and Sudeikis is up for the task, displaying reserved sociopathic tendencies with his usual dark comedy delivery. For me, he was the only remotely enjoyable performance in this movie, and it proves that Jason could sell a ketchup popsicle at this point. Other Saturday Night Live greats like Leslie Jones, Kristen Wiig, and Kate McKinnon are all wasted in the same characters they play in other movies. McKinnon in particular casts a string to her “Ghostbusters” role from July. I didn’t have many positive things to say about that film until four months later, but that was the best project that the trio took on this year.
“Masterminds” would be the worst comedy of the year in a year that didn’t feature “The Brothers Grimsby” or “Fifty Shades of Black”, but this forgettable mess of wasted talent fails to garner anything to make it memorable. It’s a repetitious flub of awkward humor that always misses its mark, and brings down the quality talent that is encased in it. The biggest robbery of all is in the 90 minutes that was ripped from my otherwise euphoric Saturday.
3/10