The world’s greatest male model returns to the silver screen fifteen years with the sequel simply titled “Zoolander 2”. Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) is brought back into the spotlight after a string of bizarre and grizzly events center around a familiar calling card. When the “world’s most beautiful people” are systematically assassinated with formerly famous male model Derek Zoolander’s trademark “Blue Steel” look on their face, Interpol recruits Derek and his friend Hansel McDonald (Owen Wilson) to infiltrate a new and different world of high fashion in order to put a stop to it. Derek and Hansel meets a mysterious badass named Melanie (Penelope Cruz) who they are forced to trust if they are to solve the mystery. Meanwhile, Derek’s rival Jacobim Mugatu (Will Ferrell) is set free from prison and is seeking revenge. “Zoolander 2” puts Ben Stiller front and center again, as he stars, writes, and directs the latest effort. The film is rated PG-13 for sexual content, brief strong language and violence.

It should be no secret to anyone who knows me that I hated the original Zoolander movie. The film seemed too dumb even for someone like myself who enjoys a stupid comedy once in a while like “Hot Rod” or “Dude Where’s My Car”. For every problem I had with the original movie, “Zoolander 2” and Ben Stiller have magnified them to make perhaps the most annoying film that I have seen in the last decade. There’s nothing wrong artistically with the film. The camera work and the special effects certainly add enough to constitute this as a movie, but the source material is so naively simple and assinine that the movie feels like the tearful goodbye in Stiller’s comedy career.

I sat through this film hanging onto every word of dialogue just searching for something of merit to make me laugh. I didn’t laugh a single time in this film and neither did the audience that I saw this with, and I have my theories on that. For one, this is fifteen years after the original films. Some movies simply don’t age well, and the concept of a male model in this world of shallow snobs and divas simply doesn’t have enough creative genius to establish this as its own franchise. Most of the material in dialogue stems from the moronic teaming of Derek and Hansel and how truly stupid they are by themselves. The film beats this idea into the ground by creating some of the most unbelievable cause-and-effects even by stupid standards. On top of it, the feeling of everyone but Stiller feels like they truly do not want to be there. This is evidenced by Ferrell not even appearing in the movie until there was 37 minutes left in the movie. That’s over an hour without the man who is supposed to be the principal antagonist to Zoolander and Hansel.

The other problem that heavily weighs this film down in the creative department stems from Stiller’s longtime idea that celebrity cameos will overshadow a thin and flawed script. He is incorrect. After searching on IMDB, I found 27 celebrity cameos in the film, some of which I completely missed, and others that don’t have more than a line or two of dialogue for their pointless appearances. I’m not naive enough to think that cameos aren’t a useful tool to bring the smiles out of the audience. But they have to be used for a particular reason in the script and not just so the film can tell us subtly “Hey there’s Kiefer Sutherland”. It all just feels like throwing terrible idea after terrible idea to a wall and seeing what sticks. Not a lot does, and because of that, these celebrity jokes lack the kind of memorable appearance that will stay in your memory longer than five minutes after you leave the theater.

One thing that I found surprisingly smart about the film was the use of technology in today’s world and how greatly that would’ve worked for the original had it not been fifteen years earlier. Cell phones and social media play a sort of vilainous role in this film by presenting that shallow trait in all of us to update what is going on in our lives, or to poke fun at the latest celebrity gossip trail. 2001 almost seemed like too early for a film like the original to come out, and one can only imagine the kind of quips that film could’ve used with the people who did enjoy it. It makes for some of the only smarter moments of this film, and I wish it would’ve had more to do with the script and its content. This film (Like it’s characters) are just simply not wise enough to jump on those opportunities.

Overall, “Zoolander 2” is the worst kind of comedy sequel because it ruins what positive feelings you had about the original. The project feels like a forced effort by Stiller and company because of a few fans who enjoyed their take on these characters from the original movie. The problem that those anxious moviegoers will find is that they have matured while this world of childish schtick has not. There is nothing funny about “Zoolander 2”, and that alone should be enough to steer clear of this Winter worm.

3/10