3/10

Big name actors Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig throw their names into the cess pool of Lifetime Television, in this made for TV film that feels like “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle” meets Single White Female. When a successful married couple (Ferrell and Wiig) house and care for a pregnant woman, things don’t go quite the way they planned, and secrets are revealed that put the family in danger. When i first heard that the two stars were doing a Lifetime Movie, i thought it was their way to poke fun at the drama and for Lifetime to throw their hat into the ring of comedic television. The film is hilarious, but for all of the wrong reasons. I get that Ferrell and Wiig were trying to expand their acting chops by accepting a role against their stereotype, but this film is bad enough to ruin both of their careers. The acting, with the exception of Wiig, is laughably monotonous. If they were aiming for the awkward dialogue reads of your typical TV film, then they hit it out of the ballpark. Wiig has already proven that she can act with such roles in “Welcome To Me” and “All Good Things”, but Ferrell should stick to the comedic roles that have him as one of the most recognizable stars of the genre. He just doesn’t fit into this role. There is a certain biting of the lip to hold back laughter every time that you see him on screen. His costume, complete with mountain man costume, only adds to the feel that this is a Saturday Night Live skit gone wrong. If you can look at the poster above and not burst into fits of laughter with how cheesy it looks, then be my guest.  The story is moronically predictable, as well as mind drainingly slow. There are many scenes in the movie that feel like they are being narratively constructed by multiple people with each side arguing against the other to who is worse. If Ferrell is supposed to look like the hero by film’s end, then you have certainly flabbergasted this critic. We are made to feel like he can snap at any moment with his tragic end to his second child, as well as tense and awkward fears from a co-worker of his wife’s that never goes anywhere, and just feels like another way to soak up more of the 80 minute run time. That’s another thing that really irritated me about the movie; it’s on television. When i watch a terrible movie in the theater, the movie keeps going to help me get out of it as soon as possible. With this viewing, i sat through eight commercial breaks and i’m not kidding. Truthfully, i was done with this film by the time the (Bunny fingers) bombshell surprise was dropped that i saw coming from a mile away. I can’t predict the future, but i can imagine that A Deadly Adoption disappointed the masses of people who tuned in for this trash. If Lifetime Television hasn’t already been the laughinstock of cable television, then this in addition to the behind the scenes movies about famous 90’s TV shows, should put the emphasis on your reasons to ever give anything on the channel a chance. The movie is forgettable in it’s presentation, but unforgettable in the way it took two charasmatic heavyweights down with it.