The Legend of Hercules

MV5BMTQwMjEyODQxMV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMDQxMjE3MDE@__V1_SX214_AL_

4/10

God, this film is bad. How do you screw up a story that is so universally known and embraced? You send in Director Renny Harlan. Kellen Lutz stars as the world’s strongest man and his coming of age against a dictator father and brother who want him dead. This film had a lot of problems, but none were bigger than the terrible miscasts. Kellen Lutz should never be the lead in any film, and i say that as a man who is trying to help him. He works much better as a supporting character like he did in the Nightmare on Elm Street remake. They try to show him off with several wet chested out of the water scenes which does nothing but present him as a piece of meat. I am sure the ladies are going to tell me that Hercules is supposed to be presented in that light, but his story is so much more. I get that sex sells, but Kellen Lutz is laughable whenever he reads a line that is supposed to be an important part of the story. He just doesn’t believe what he says and therefore cannot become the character. I also felt the CGI was disappointing. Some of the objects are terrible when it comes to the real details, but nothing more than a lion in the beginning of the film. You can almost see the invincible object that Hercules fights against that is supposed to be the lion because he just doesn’t put his all into it. This is the only bad fight scene of the film though, as the fighting was one of the only things i enjoyed about the film. The war scenes in particular are done with great design and choreography. It’s like this was the one area they definitely had covered before they started writing the film. I also enjoyed the performance of Scott Adkins as King Amphitryon. Adkins is having the time of his life as he throws all cares out the window and gives us a performance that makes us yell “FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO GETS IT”. The Legend of Hercules clocks in at 99 minutes, and because of the slow pace it feels even longer. With a slow start mixed with an uncomfortable rape scene, this film is tough to get into from the get go. I do think the 3D would probably make for a better experience. I saw it in 2D, and thought some of the scenes would look impressive in 3D. In particular a chain wielding Hercules fight scene. If you want a cheesy movie that you and your friends will have a good time giving funny commentary, this is the film for you. I don’t think even a buff chested Kellen Lutz will be enough for the ladies to like this mess

A Madea Christmas

MV5BMjIwNjA3OTM4NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwOTA0MjM2MDE@__V1_SX214_AL_

 

4/10

93 Minutes has never felt longer. I shouldn’t say that this film was a total waste, there are a few laughs. I hate saying this but Larry the Cable Guy was by far the best part of the film as the father of the husband in this story. Madea goes on vacation with a friend to the country to visit the friend’s daughter. Throughout the weekend, they find out that the daughter is married to a white man. This film does pack a decent message with the point of us all bleeding red, but at what a price. To sit through Madea’s loud rude and crude humor is just not worth another glorified Hallmark movie. Take away the rude jokes and that’s exactly what this is. Cheap acting and a story that totally doesn’t make sense. The people of this small town supposedly invested all of their money in this jubilee, so they all go broke. Sounds like a pretty stupid place to me. By the end of the film, the town gets their money back and some more ($100,000 a year for four years). It’s said that the school will be able to buy a couple computers with that money. How much do they think a computer costs? For that much money, they could build a new building than the town hall building that the kids currently go to school at. I also feel like the reason for some of the racism in the film (Both black and white) are some of the dumbest reasons i have ever heard. A Madea Christmas is the best of the three Madea films i have seen, but it still has a long way to go. This kind of film only appeals to the deepest Tyler Perry fans, and from what i have heard, that isn’t many. I don’t need to tell you this, but pass on this one

The Counselor

 

MV5BMTc3ODk0MTY0N15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwOTU2MTEzMDE@__V1_SY317_CR0,0,214,317_AL_

4/10

I am now convinced that most of the films i anticipated this year are trash. 2013 is a bad year for film. I had such HIGH hopes for this film and i couldn’t have been more disappointed. Before you see this film, make sure you know everything about the plot and what it is about. I read a ton up on this film and i still had trouble following everything that was going on. We never understand why Michael Fassbender accepts the job of the counselor, and we don’t even understand what that position entails. We are literally just given a bunch of colorful characters and prepare them for the worst. The only things i liked about this film was the beautiful shots in cinematography and the work of Cameron Diaz and Brad Pitt. Diaz plays the best role of her life and is the only effort on conquering this awfully told story. But even she couldn’t overcome the tremendous odds laid against her. There is pointless and laughable sexual dialogue during the first 20 minutes that will make you roll your eyes when you think professionals wrote this. I was such a huge fan of Mccormick’s 2008 hit No Country For Old Men, but i have trouble believing The Counselor was written by the same person. There is almost no trace of that brilliance with building the story up. Surprisingly, this film has a lot of gore and blood. Some of the death scenes are done really well, but you wonder why they have to happen at all. I couldn’t imagine anyone is going to get any enjoyment out of this film other than the things i mentioned above. If you wish to see it, i would wait till DVD. When you pay 8-10 dollars for a movie, you are kind of forced to stay for the whole thing.

Runner Runner

 

MV5BMTU5OTA0MjI4Ml5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMTgxOTQwMDE@__V1_SY317_CR0,0,214,317_AL_

4/10

This sloppily made film made me want my 8 bucks back. Justin Timberlake stars in this film about the internet gambling world and the hazzards that come with it. First of all, Timberlake is a spoiled brat who doesn’t care about other characters when they get ripped off, but we are supposed to get behind him and root for him to punish the bad guys. As i said earlier, this film is sloppy for a lot of reasons, but i will give you some examples. Timberlake loses all of his money (17 grand) in the first ten minutes of the film by gambling, yet he has enough money to give $40 to his loser father, take a flight to Costa Rica, and get a hotel room for a week. Another mess was a party scene with loud club music being played (The DJ was DeadMau5 – EXCELLENT). Timberlake can hear the female lead talking perfectly word for word from 40-50 feet away. Superman like hearing, ladies and gentlemen. 80 minutes into this film and i wanted to kill the director for all of the poker puns that were being added into EVERY sentence. 1 or 2 is fine in a cliche film like this, but Jesus do we really need one in every scene? The one saving grace for this film was Ben Affleck as the poker website creator. Some people have complained that his role was a little over the top for the villain, but i think it’s perfect. Affleck was so believable as this prick, that i was actually rooting for him by the end of the film. Timberlake is just that unlikable in this film. That is not to say that i haven’t enjoyed Timberlake’s roles in film, but this seems like he took a step backwards. This is the film that pop stars make the first time they step into film (See Britney Spears in Crossroads). I don’t recommend this film to anyone, and it should be avoided at all costs.

Getaway

MV5BMTM5NTkzNzk0NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTQwNjE5OQ@@__V1_SY317_CR0,0,214,317_AL_

 

4/10

This unoriginal film was definitely nothing to be amazed with. Ethan Hawke, Selina Gomez and Jon Voight star in this fast paced thriller about a man’s wife being kidnapped for a hefty ransom. In a nutshell, you have seen this premise a million times before, so what makes Getaway so different? Absolutely nothing. I mean sure, there are some amazing camera angles and the action is off the hook, but it has a very week story that doesn’t bring out the best in the characters. Action can only take a film so far without a story line. The Fast and Furious films are a great example of this. They needed a storyline for the last couple of films so it wouldn’t be the same chase and crash scene over and over. Selina Gomez is possibly the most annoying character of the year. She seems like a brat who whines and constantly complains. Voight is good as the bad guy (Big surprise there, huh?), but he doesn’t have a lot to do. We don’t ever see his face, and come to think of it, this film is a lot like 2002’s Phone Booth. We don’t see the villain’s face or (SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER) we are thrown for a huge loop at the end when he isn’t the bad guy caught. It’s the exact same ending. The film is good for it’s action, but i don’t think that is enough to make a believer out of me. I don’t recommend this film unless you see it on HBO or Showtime in a year. It’s nothing to really get excited about.

Empire State

MV5BMjExOTY4MDEzNF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzIyMTY3OQ@@__V1_SY317_CR5,0,214,317_AL_

 

4/10

I can totally understand why this film which has a great cast went straight to DVD. Liam Hemsworth, The Rock and Emma Roberts star in this film about the biggest heist in American history. Hemsworth stars as a night time security officer who guards the city’s money exchange. When his partner is shot dead, he decides that life is too short and decides to rob the station of it’s 25 million dollars. Right off the bat, the problems i had with the film was the dialogue as well as the characters being some of the dumbest of the 2013 film year. For a robbery that was so much money, it sure seemed pretty easy with the way the security officers told everything to Hemsworth during his first day on the job. I mean, they showed him every possible way to get to the money and get out undetected past the security dog, the cameras and the secured timers. They told him so much, it seemed like everyone was just waiting for him to rob the place. It’s a shame that this film is so weak because it has a good cast and a decent story that could have been told a lot better. The Rock does nothing different in this film, and plays the same character that he does in every action movie. Roberts is probably the biggest waste though, as her character barely has ten total minutes of screen time. What is the purpose of even having a big name actress like her in this film? She doesn’t even seem to have a close friendship to Hemsworth, so i don’t even see the point of her character. I don’t recommend this film when it comes to DVD in 2 weeks. There are certainly much better true crime stories that are coming to DVD soon. Try The Iceman

You’re Next

 

MV5BMTQwODAxMTE1NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNTQ0MjY3OQ@@__V1_SX214_AL_

4.5/10

This film just didn’t do it for me. Maybe i will be wrong about this one and people will enjoy it after they watch it. There is certainly enough to like about this film. It has an amazing female lead who is tough to the core and has no problems defending herself. It has a good setting in a creepy mansion in the countryside. That certainly makes for some eerie scenes. It has an amazing score which at times took you back to an 80’s horror suspense. Finally, it had a great setup. When you find out who the killers are, you realize that it is a great idea for a movie. The problem is that i didn’t really care about the killers when i found out who they were because i haven’t been given enough time to care. The movie starts with two quick murders and then slows down for the better part of 20 minutes. It shows us a fight with a family and then the murders start again. So basically, these characters whine about the dumbest things and seem like rich snobs. Not exactly a stereotype we can all sympathize with. I also felt they were a little sluggish with the death scenes. Some of the murders are shown, but a couple were given the camera-away shot with the violence. The acting and dialogue were awful. These are the dumbest characters in a movie maybe ever. They know that three masked people are shooting arrows at them from outside, but still want to run outside because they feel they have a good chance to get away from them. The ending is kind of abrupt and doesn’t give the greatest answer with what happens. I would really be curious in having other people watch this film and see what they think. My two friends liked the movie, and thought it was good. Maybe i am just a tough judge when it comes to horror because it is my favorite genre, and the genre i grew up on. I certainly could understand if someone liked this film, but it’s just not for me. As a result, i can’t really recommend this film, but i would like to get some opinions from other people who have seen it. Please post if you do

Hello Herman

MV5BMTgyMTU3MzE2N15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTEzMTE1OA@@__V1_SX214_AL_

 

4/10

Herman is a boy who shoots up his high school after years of abuse and torture. This film’s biggest problem (aside from it’s editing, sound, terrible acting and length of time) is it’s story progression. With a movie synopsis like the one i described, you know a story can’t go much further. Example – Boy shoots up school, boy either dies or goes to prison, Boy is put to death if he is sent to prison…..THE END. There isn’t anything about this film that makes you go WOW, or sets up a difference in the shootings we have had in our country. This film does offer a look into the mind of one of these children who are picked on, but it’s stuff we already know. It’s pretty much assumed that a child doesn’t just snap for the hell of it. There has to be a building up of tension and terror in a child’s life for them to let it all out. This film is just an anatomy of that. Norman Reedus does give a decent performance and has some shadows of his own, but that is definitely not enough to save this film. The movie was so generic that the news channel was called “American News”, i am not kidding. The news anchor and the governor are so overdone that it’s ridiculous. We are supposed to sit there and believe that they would get away with the things they say about Herman on TV? Even killers cannot be trashed like they are doing. Overall, i don’t recommend this film to anyone. It’s a decent look at a hate crime, but it doesn’t give you anything new to put yourself through 85 minutes of this slop

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

 

MV5BMTk3MDkxMDAyN15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwODY5NzQyOQ@@__V1_SX214_AL_

4.5/10

This film is by far one of the worst of the year. It’s not funny even in the least and has problems deciding if it is a comedy or a drama. I personally think it works better as a drama, but it’s still a very poor written film. It’s a shame to see how far Steve Carrell and Jim Carrey have fallen in their careers. The only slight saving graces in this film were the performances of Alan Arkin and James Gandolfini. Other than that, it’s a complete waste of anybody’s time. The ending is so unbelievable even for a comedy that it left me completely speechless. The biggest tragedy about this movie is the fact that Steve Carrell’s character is the most unlikeable guy and rude to Olivia Wilde’s character, but we are supposed to believe that she falls for him?? TRASH

Spring Breakers

 

MV5BNDE3MDQzMDA5OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTUxNTgxOQ@@__V1_SX214_AL_

4/10

WOW!!! This movie was awful. I will go ahead and get the good things out of the way first. James Franco gives an amazing performance as a rapper/drug dealer who serves as the main ally of the girls. There were times that i even forgot that Mr. Franco was even in the movie. Other than that, there is not one single redeeming quality to this shitfest. The dialogue is completely awful between the characters, so much so that at times they repeat the same lines twice. The camera angles mix into conversations so badly that it looks like they came out of the Spike Lee school of cinematography. But at least Spike Lee has a purpose for some of the meaningless shots that he includes in his films. This movie treats you like you are a five year old who doesn’t know the extreme dangers of Spring Break. Apparently this is the message they are trying to convey as all four girls (Selena Gomez most of all) are the dumbest airheads i have probably ever come across in cinema. So wait a minute, there are bad guys who do drugs and only want to have sex with innocent girls at Spring Break? GET THE HELL OUT OF TOWN!!! This movie at times did remind me of Alpha Dog as it becomes apparent that these girls might not have a happy ending, but what Alpha Dog did different was make us care about their characters by developing them better. I didn’t care for one second what happened to these spoiled brats who rob a bank just to pay for Spring Break. I only recommend this film on Red Box and that is only if you don’t have high standards when it comes to film. If you really want a crime movie about four strong females, i recommend Set it Off. It’s a little high strung on the dramatic at times, but it’s message is a hell of a lot better than Spring Breakers.