The Purge

MV5BMTU0OTE1Nzk2NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjE5NDY0OQ@@__V1_SX214_AL_

 

6/10

First off, i didn’t like or hate this movie. The difference with this movie as opposed to The Lords of Salem is that this film had the potential to be great. During the first 70 minutes, it is a good film. It gives a great build-up right to the point of the bad people breaking into the house. From there, it’s like the writers didn’t know how to follow in the last 20 minutes. There is a twist ending that gives the film life again, but they abandon it for an ending that is both predictable and corny. This film is enriched with good performances by Ethan Hawke and the leader of the creepy outsiders, Rhys Wakefield. The movie oozes in symbolism for the way we do things in our current society just to prove a point. This isn’t one of the finer points of the film. Finally, i finished the film wondering how all criminals and murderers obide by rules made by our founding fathers. THEY ARE MURDERERS!!! THERE ARE NO RULES FOR THEM!!!! I would recommend this film if you have a dollar theater in your town. Other than that, i wouldn’t waste your time in theaters.

The Lords of Salem

MV5BMjA2NTc5Njc4MV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNTYzMTcwOQ@@__V1_SX214_AL_

 

1/10

I WANT MY 96 MINUTES BACK!!!! Where do i start with this horrible sack of shit? Rob Zombie’s 5th film feature tells the tale of a bunch of 17th century witches who haunt the dreams of Sherri Moon Zombie because there is a certain something they want from her. This movie was a complete waste of anything that has to do with film. The only thing i liked about the movie was Bruce Davidson and he dies with about 20 minutes left in the movie. Sherri Moon Zombie is a completely terrible actress. I don’t care if she is Rob Zombie’s wife or that she shows her naked body in every movie that she is in. If she never acted again, it would be one of the great justices that the American people ever experienced. This movie goes down in history with some of my other all-time nightmares like The Wicker Man, Fear Dot Com and The Ring. The one thing i can say about those movies though, is that at least they had a decent premise. I’m not saying this is the worst movie i have ever seen, but it’s pretty damn close. At the end of the day, i am not sure what genre this belongs to. There isn’t enough blood or gore for it to be a horror movie. There isn’t enough mystery or edge of the seat moments for it to be suspense. The movie’s ending is probably only 2nd to The Devil Inside as far as worst all time endings are concerned. I don’t recommend this film in theaters or DVD rental. If you even have the chance to get a free download, JUST SAY NO. Whatever movie i review next is going to look like The Shawshank Redemption compared to this piece of shit.

Scary Movie 5

 

MV5BMTc5OTIxMjQ4NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwOTAyNDcyOQ@@__V1_SY317_CR0,0,214,317_AL_

2.5/10

This movie is close to being the worse film of the year for me. If not for the catastrophe that was Movie 43, this film would definitely make history as not only the worst film of the year, but of the last five years easily. With the exception of one scene, i didn’t laugh one time in this entire film. It’s a shame because the first two Scary Movie’s were actually really good and filled with laughs. This franchise has been on a down slope since getting rid of the Wayans Brothers. This film makes the movie A Haunted House look like Casablanca. Most of the movies represented in this film aren’t horror movies at all and they don’t put any effort in hiding that fact. The oddest thing to me was the fact that almost NONE of the scenes that were shown in the trailers were in the movie. I guess they all went on the chopping block because they are nowhere to be found. This movie clocks in at 75 measly minutes that feel like a lifetime. There were many points when i almost gave up. I don’t recommend this film for anyone; not even the biggest mindless idiots walking the planet. Nobody will or SHOULD like this movie

Evil Dead (2013)

MV5BNTQ3OTkwNTgyN15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNTAzOTAzOQ@@__V1_SX214_AL_

 

8/10

Really great horror movie that was a non stop gorefest. I really enjoyed the references to the original movies and the creative ways they accomplished it. I recommend this movie as a movie that you don’t really take seriously but a movie that you go to have fun with your friends. The only things i didn’t like were the cast. I couldn’t care less what happened to them. There were also certain things that were done by a nail gun and a chainsaw that i couldn’t believe, but i will bitch about that more later. I totally recommend this film to everyone.

Warm Bodies

MV5BMTQ4MjY2MjMzOV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDUxNzIwOQ@@__V1__CR43,43_16667175292969,1298,1960_9999542236328_SX214_AL_

 

5/10

The first hour of this movie had something decent going for it. The last half hour is the tale of a completely different movie. First of all the things that i liked, great soundtrack, John Malkovich was great as usual but he didn’t get a lot of time for his role. I also enjoyed the characters of the bonies, but felt that they were too easy to defeat. The things i didn’t like about this movie? the acting is awful, the relationship between father and daughter is one of the hardest to believe of any movie i have ever seen, zombies were very close to being ruined in this film like vampires were ruined in Twilight. I heard so much positivity about this movie and it ended up being one of the worst films that i have seen this year. I have left some questions at the bottom that are some of the errors that i found with the film. I recommend this film to females because they might get a kick out of the love story. I honestly can’t imagine that a male zombie/horror fan will like any piece of this.1. His friend sure learned quickly how to talk when the action started, yet all of the years and hangouts that they had in the bar they never said one word. Keep in mind, this was before the zombie army met the girl.2. Why can he fight fast, but not walk fast?3. It’s not safe to go outside of the airplane, but it’s ok to drive a car 90 MPH outside of the airplane and make louder noises??4. THEY ARE ZOMBIES!!!! This friendship with the humans will never work because they need brains of humans to survive. Even for that short time before they are cured, they would be hungry

Mama

MV5BMTM5MjIwNDAwMl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzQyOTY0OA@@__V1_SX214_AL_

 

5/10

This movie was really disappointing for me. For the last two weeks, i heard nothing but positive reviews about how this film was different from the shock-horror that they have given us for the last decade. This movie was so far beyond stupid that i can’t even fathom what i did with the last 93 minutes. The ending (which i won’t spoil) was so terrible that i can’t even believe that they wanted us to be ok with it. The only things that brought it up from a 3 or 4 was the performance of child-actress Megan Charpentier, and the amazing visual effects that made Mama look real chilling. Other than that, TOTAL CRAP. It’s not the worst movie i have seen this year, but it’s pretty damn close

Texas Chainsaw 3D

 

MV5BMTQzMzAyNTE2N15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzM1NDg2OA@@__V1_SX214_AL_

5.5/10

To tell you what i didn’t like about this movie would give away spoilers, so i will just list the positives. I loved the fact that it added something more to the Chainsaw saga unlike the last three movies. I also liked who played the bad guy in this movie. Leatherface looked the toughest he has been since the 2nd film (1985), and that is one of the most important things in my view. 3rd best Chainsaw film (in my opinion) of the seven. Also, since it is the first movie of 2013 that i have seen, it is currently my #1 movie of the year